"I Do, I Do In the Sky" from "The Drowsy Chaperone"

TRIX
A bride and groom in a chapel
May bring a tear to the eye
But what a thrill when lovebirds trill
I do, I do in the sky
When vows are said in a meadow
The bees and daffodil sigh

ALL
When vows are said in a meadow
Ahhhh

TRIX
But heartbeats rush when sweethearts gush

ALL
I do, I do in the sky

TRIX
Do you?

TOTTENDALE & UNDERLING
We do

TRIX
Do you?

DROWSY & ALDOLPHO
We do

TRIX
Do you?

FELDZIG & KITTY
We do

TRIX
Do you?

ROBERT & JANET
We do

ALL
A bride and groom in a chapel
May bring a tear to the eye

TRIX
With rainbows bending before us
And clouds meandering by
One can't restrain that sweet refrain

ALL
I do, I do in the sky
When vows are said in a meadow
The bees and daffodil sigh

TRIX
But heartbeats rush
When sweethearts gush

ALL
I do, I do in the sky
I do, I do in the sky

MEN
Look! Up ahead! Do you see it?

WOMEN
Could it be? Yes! It's Rio

JANET (spoken)
Well, hurry up Trix. We've got some honeymooning to do!

ALL
Then fly-y-y-y-y
Then fly

TRIX
Then fly

ALL
It's such a thrill
When lovebirds trill
Let's fly
And clouds meandering by

TRIX
One can't restrain that sweet refrain

ALL
I do
I do
Up in the sky!

"I Am Aldolpho" from "The Drowsy Chaperone"

ALDOLPHO

I'm sure that you have heard the name Aldolpho

A ladies' man who wins acclaim Aldolpho

Well lovely miss I am the same Aldolpho

I introduce myself

I am Aldolpho

DROWSY (Spoken)

Nice to meet you, shall we?

ALDOLPHO

Not so fast...

So just in case you didn't hear Aldolpho

I'll try to make it very clear Aldolpho

The lovely ladies always cheer Aldolpho

When I repeat myself

I am Aldolpho

DROWSY (Spoken)

Understood

ALDOLPHO

I can sing it high - Aldolpho

I can sing it low - Aldolpho

I can sing it very fast - Aldolpho

I can sing it very slow...ly

(Spoken)

I'd do it now, but it would take hours. Now lest us see if you can remember my name.

DROWSY (Spoken)

I'll give it a shot.

ALDOLPHO

Now who's the fellow that you see?

DROWSY

Aldolpho

ALDOLPHO

And how should you refer to me?

DROWSY

Aldolpho

ALDOLPHO

And who is it I'll always be?

DROWSY

Aldolpho

ALDOLPHO

Now sing it proudly

DROWSY

You are Aldolpho

ALDOLPHO

Now let me spell it out for you

For all you lovely ladies that didn't hear for some reason

Because maybe you are hard of hearing or something - I don't know

It goes A-A-A-A-A-A-L

DO - HO- HO-HO HO-HOL

F-F-F-F-F-FO

I am Aldolpho

Aldolpho

Man In Chair from "The Drowsy Chaperone" (2)

I hate theatre. Well, it's so disappointing, isn't it? You know what I do when I'm sitting in a darkened theatre waiting for the curtain to rise? I pray. Derar God, please let it be a good show. And let it be short, oh Lord in heaven, please. Two hours is fine, three hours is too much. And keep the actors out of the audience. God. I didn't pay a hundred dollars to have the fourth wall come crashing down around my ears. I just want a story, and a few good songs that will take me away. I just want to be entertained. I mean, isn't that the point? Amen.
(Beat)
You know there was a time when people sat in darkened theatres and thought to themselves, "What have George and Ira got for me tonight?" or "Can Cole Porter pull it off again?" Can you imagine? Now it's, "Please, Elton John, must we continue this charade?" It used to be, sitting there in the dark, you knew that when the lights came up you would be taken to another world, a world full of color and music and glamour. And you thought to yourself, "My God, when are they going to bring up the lights?"
(Lights up)
Oh, how things have changed. Hello. How are we today? A little quiet? I'm feeling a little blue myself. You know, a little anxious for no particular reason, a little sad that I should feel anxious at this age, you know, a little self-conscious anxiety resulting in non-specific sadness: a state that I call "blue." Anyway, whenever I'm feeling this way, blue, I like to listen to my music. So, I was going through my box of records this morning - yes, records - and I was about to put on the 1962 sound track recording of Meredith Wilson's "The Music Man" - I had a craving for a young Ronny Howard. But then I said "No! Let's have a treat! Let's disappear for a while into the decadent world of the 1920's. When the champagne flowed while the caviar chilled and all the world was a party - for the wealthy, anyway. So, I dug about and what did I find--
(Extracting a record)
--but one of my favorite shows, Gable and Stein's "The Drowsy Chaperone;" Remember? Music by Julie Gable, lyrics by Sidney Stein. It's a two record set, re-mastered from the original recording made in 1928. It's the full show with the original cast including Beatrice Stockwell as the Chaperone. Isn't she elegant? This is a full 15 years before she became Dame Beatrice Stockwell. Can you believe it? Let me read to you what it says on the back - it says "mix-ups, mayhem, and a gay wedding!" Of course, the phrase gay wedding has a different meaning now, but back then it just meant fun. And that's just what this show it - fun. So. Would you . . . indulge me? Let me play the record for you. Please. I was hoping you would say that.
(He puts the record on the record player. He places the needle.)

"Accident Waiting To Happen" from "The Drowsy Chaperone"

ROBERT
There was a time I could stop on a dime,
Forbearance was one of my talents.
But since you've been around,
I can't hold my ground.
I'm consistently losing my balance.
I'm an accident waiting to happen,
I'm a mishap about to ensue.
I'm the toy on the stair,
The three-legged chair,
The hem that's been caught by a shoe.
When my two lovesick arms started flappin',
There was nothing my ankles could do.
I'm an accident waiting to happen.
So how be I happen to you?
JANET
When men say I'm sweet and they fall at my feet,
My heart doesn't beat any faster.
But when you lose control,
It touches my soul.
So I'm bracing myself for disaster.
You're an accident waiting to happen,
A catastrophe destined to be.
ROBERT
I'm the rags in the cellar.
JANET
A broken umbreller.
ROBERT, JANET
A branch hanging loose from a tree.
JANET
I can see myself jumpin' and clappin'
For a man who lives dangerously.
ROBERT, JANET
I'm / You're an accident waiting to happen.
JANET
So hurry and happen to me.
ROBERT, JANET
I'm / You're an accident waiting to happen,
So hurry and happen to me.

Man In Chair from "The Drowsy Chaperone"

Oh, it was ruined, wasn't it? One note away from the end of the show and it was ruined. The mood is broken. (Pause)
I should just start the record again from the beginning. No. I can't do that, can I? Oh, it's so frustrating. You have to understand, I love this show so much. My mother gave me the record. This was just before my father left us. He didn't leave because of the record, although I'm sure it didn't help matters. Look I know it's not a perfect show; the spit take scene is lame and the monkey motif is labored. It does what a musical is supposed to do; it takes you to another world. And it gives you a little tune to carry with in your head. Something to take you away from the dreary horrors of the real world. A little something for when you're feeling blue. You know?

"Show Off" from "The Drowsy Chaperone"

JANET
I don't wanna show off no more.
I don't wanna sing tunes no more.
I don't wanna ride moons no more.
I don't wanna show off.

I don't wanna wear this no more.
Play the saucy swiss miss no more.
Blow my signature *kiss* no more.
I don't wanna show off.

Don't try to control me,
I've made up my mind.
And that's it. I quit.
I'm leaving it all behind.

I don't wanna be cute no more.
Make the gentleman hoot no more
I don't wanna wear fruit no more.
I don't wanna show off.

REPORTERS
She don't wanna show off no more.

JANET
Not me!

REPORTERS
Read her name in the news no more.

JANET
Page Three!

REPORTERS
Get the glowing reviews no more.

JANET
Aww Gee, I don't wanna show off.

REPORTERS
She don't wanna show off.

JANET
I don't wanna show off.

REPORTERS
She don't wanna show off no more,
Off no more!

JANET
Not me. Whee!!

*Musical Interlude*

JANET
I don't wanna show off.

REPORTERS
Ah . . .
She don't wanna show off,
Show off,
Don't wanna show off no more.

JANET
Please no more attention,
I've counted to ten!
And I'm through
Adieu!
You'll never see this!
You'll never see this!
Never see this!
Never see that!
Never see these again!

I don't wanna change key's no more!
I don't wanna strip tease no more!
I don't wanna say "Cheese" no more!
I don't care if you scoff.

I don't wanna be cheered no more,
praised no more,
grabbed no more,
touched no more,
loved no more,
I don't wanna show off.

REPORTERS
She don't wanna show off.

JANET
I don't wanna show off.

REPORTERS
She don't wanna show off.

JANET
I don't wanna show off.

REPORTERS
She don't wanna show off.

JANET
I don't wanna show off!
No more!

GANGSTER #2
Mr. Feldzieg, it is painfully obvious that Ms. Van De Graaff has no desire
to continue the life on the stage.

FELDZIEG
Don't worry boys, this isn't over yet.

KITTY
Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't do an encore.

JANET
I don't want an Encore no more!
Keep em' shoutin' for more no more!
Dissappear through the floor no more!
I don't wanna show off.

"As We Stumble Along" from "The Drowsy Chaperone"

THE DROWSY CHAPERONE:
As we stumble along
On life's funny journey.
As we stumble along
into the blue.
We look here and we look there,
Seeking answers anywhere,
Never sure of where to turn or what to do.

Still we bumble our way
Through life's crazy labyrinth,
Barely knowing left from right
Nor right from wrong.
And the best that we can do
Is hope a blue bird
Will sing his song
As we stumble along

It's a dismal little world in which we live.
It can bore you til you've nothing left to give.
Seven overrated wonders, seven underwhelming seas.
Six excruciating continents . . .
Antarctica . . . oh, please.
But you mustn't let it lick you,
This planet, oh-so bland.
Keep your eyeball on the highball
In your hand.

As we stumble along
'Cross life's crowded dance floor.
As we push and we shove,
We live and we learn.
And when we finally leave the bar,
And we see that morning star,
We pull our boot straps up
And homeward turn.

Then we stumble away
Through dawn's blinding sun beams.
Barely knowing right from right
Nor left from wrong.
But as long as we can hear
That little blue bird.
There'll be a song
As we stumble along.
As we stumble,
Bumble,
Fumble,
. . . Plumble . . .
As we stumble along!

Cast of "The Drowsy Chaperone"

Man in Chair - Male - 25 to 45 - Lead
Janet Van De Graaf - Female - 25 to 35 - Lead
Mr. Felzieg - Male - 30 to 45 - Lead
Robert Martin - Male 28 to 40 - Supporting
Adolpho - Male - 25 to 40 - Supporting
The Drowsy Chaperone - Female - 35 to 65 - Supporting
George - Male - 25 to 35 - Supporting
Mrs. Tottendale - Female - 35 to 60 - Cameo
Underling - Male - 35 to 65 - Cameo
Trix - Female - 25 to 40 - Cameo
Kitty - Female - 18 to 30 - Cameo
Gangster #1 & 2 - Male - 25 to 40 - Cameo
Book by Bob Martin and Don McKellar.
Music and Lyrics by Lisa Lambert and Greg Morrison