"I Know It's Today" from "Shrek: the Musical"

Settle in, girls, it's story time

There's a princess in a tower
Oh my gosh, that's just like me
Poor Rapunzel needs a haircut
But the witch won't set her free

She passes time by singing
Like someone else I know
As years go by she sits and waits
As years go by? Uh oh

A torturous existence
I don't remember this part
She wishes she were dead
Skip ahead, skip ahead

But in the end Rapunzel
Finds a millionaire
The prince is good at climbing
And braiding golden hair

So I know he'll appear
'Cause there are rules
And there are strictures
I believe the storybooks
I read by candlelight

My white knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures
It won't be long now, I guarantee
Day number twenty-three
I know it's today
I know it's today

Oh, here's a good one, it's a classic

There's a princess in a coma
Glad it's her instead of me
Pretty maiden in a glass box
How, I wonder, does she pee?

Blah, blah, blah, poison apple
Boring, boring, evil queen
Filler, filler, been there, read that
Seven shorties in the scene
Skip ahead, skip ahead

But in the end the princess
Wakes up with a start
The prince is good at kissing
And melting Snow White's heart

So I know, he'll appear
And his armor will be blinding
As shining as his perfect teeth
And manly hose

He'll propose on one knee
And our prenup will be binding
About time we set the wedding date
Day number 958
I know it's today, he'll show up today

There's a princess, any princess
Take your pick, they're all like me
Not exactly, I'm still waiting
They're living happily

Ever after better get here
I want love in seconds flat
No one needs these middle bits
Oops, did I do that?

Cut the villains, cut the vamping
Cut this fairytale
Cut the peril and the pitfalls
Cut the puppet and the whale

Cut the monsters, cut the curses
Keep the intro, cut the verses
And the waiting, the waiting
The waiting, the waiting, the waiting

But I know he'll appear
Though I seem a bit bipolar
And I'm a vandal now as well
Though he won't mind

I'm a find, I'm a catch
And a very gifted bowler
It won't be long now, I guarantee
Day number--

Are you there, God?
It's me, Fiona
It's me, Fiona

Now I know he'll appear
'Cause there are rules
And there are strictures
I believe the storybooks
I read by candlelight

My white knight
My knight and his steed
Will look just like these pictures
It won't be long now, I guarantee

Day number twenty-three
Day number nine-hundred fifty-eight
Day number eight-thousand four-hundred twenty-three

I know it's today
I know it's today
I know it's today
I know it's today
I know it's today
I know it's today
I know it's today