ANGEL
Who died?
BENNY
Our Akita.
ANGEL, ROGER
Evita.
BENNY
You make fun, yet I am the one
Attempting to do some good.
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head.
This is Calcutta;
Bohemia is dead.
MARK
Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes.
COLLINS, ROGER
Dies irae - dies illa, Kyrie eleison.
Yitgadal v'yitadash.
MARK
Here she lies, no one knew her worth.
The late, great daughter of Mother Earth.
On these nights when we
Celebrate the birth
In that little town on Bethlehem.
We raise our glass, you bet your ass to
La vie Boheme.
ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MARK
To days of inspiration,
Playing hookey, making
Something out of nothing.
The need to express,
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane, going mad.
To loving tension, no pension.
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension.
Not to mention, of course,
Hating dear old Mom and Dad.
To riding your bike
Midday past the three-piece suits.
To fruits, to no absolutes,
To Absolut, to choice,
To the village voice,
To any passing fad,
To being an us for once, instead of a them!
ALL
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
MR. GREY
Ahem.
MAUREEN
Hey mister, she's my sister.
WAITER
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad,
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter,
And one pasta with meatless balls.
ROGER
Ew.
COLLINS
It tastes the same.
MIMI
If you close your eyes.
WAITER
And thirteen orders of fries.
Is that all here?
ALL
Wine and beer!
MIMI, ANGEL
To hand-crafted beers
Made in local breweries.
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese.
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo,
To Huevos Rancheros and Maya Angelou.
MAUREEN, COLLINS
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commontion.
Creation, vacation.
MARK
Mucho masturbation.
MAUREEN, COLLINS
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new.
COLLINS
To Sontag.
ANGEL
To Sondheim.
FOUR GIRLS
To anything taboo.
COLLINS, ROGER
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham, and Cage.
COLLINS
Lenny Bruce.
ROGER
Langston Hughes.
MAUREEN
To the stage.
BOHEMIANS
To Uta, to Buddha, Pablo Neruda, too.
MARK, MIMI
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em.
ALL
La vie Boheme
MR. GREY
Sisters?
MAUREEN, JOANNE
We're close.
ANGEL, COLLINS
Brothers!
MARK, ANGEL, MIMI
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men,
Pee Wee Herman.
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein,
Antoniotti, Bertolucci, Kurosawa,
Camina Burana.
ALL
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy.
Vaclav Havel, The Sex Pistols, 8BC.
To no shame, never playing the fame game.
COLLINS
To marijuana.
ALL
To sodomy, it's between God and me.
To S & M.
BENNY
Waiter, waiter, waiter, waiter!
ALL
La vie Boheme
COLLINS
In honor of the death of Bohemia, an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner.
Maureen Johnson, just back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the eleventh street lot, will perform Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder, while accompanying herself on the electric cello, which she has never studied.
ROGER
And Mark Cohen will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high holy days.
MARK
And Mimi Marquez, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.
BENNY
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us.
MIMI
There's nothing to know.
BENNY
Don't you think that we should discuss-
MIMI
It was three months ago.
BENNY
He doesn't act like he's with you.
MIMI
We're taking it slow.
BENNY
Where is he now?
MIMI
He's right--Hmm, Where'd he go?
MARK
And Roger will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song . . . that doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz."
COLLINS
Angel Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the ten-gallon plastic pickle tub.
ANGEL
And Collins will recount his exploits as anarchist, including the tale of the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T. virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcasts the words:
ALL
Actual reality. Act up. Fight AIDS.
MIMI
Excuse me, did I do something wrong?
I get invited, then ignored all night long.
ROGER
I've been trying. I'm not lying.
No one's perfect. I've got baggage.
MIMI
Life's too short, babe, time is flying.
I'm looking for baggage that does with mine.
ROGER
I should tell you.
MIMI
I got baggage, too.
ROGER
I should tell you.
ROGER, MIMI
Baggage.
ALL
Wine and beer!
MIMI
AZT break.
ROGER
You?
MIMI
Me. You?
ROGER
Mimi.
